Best of Me

Ever feel like a million bucks on the outside due to an abundance of blessings, yet crave  nothing more than to  be understood not by others but to understand yourself.

Ever feel like you have everything going on for you, everything seems to be going right, yet on the inside you are outlandishly crying and not the crying that will surpass after you’ve stopped, but the crying where even when you stop, the pain and the hurt doesn’t.

Ever feel like you figure things out, you figure out where your pain comes from, yet you move forward only to realize something still hurts. Something is still sitting heavy on your heart.

Ever feel like everything on the inside gets the best of you, if so… welcome to my leg of the chase. 

Learning To Forgive

It’s been awhile since I have been able to put my thoughts in writing but for awhile after my last post, I couldn’t bare to do so. If you haven’t read my last post you probably have no idea what I’m talking about but let’s just say things were at breaking point. However, I just didn’t realize that there would be an aftermath. Following on from that post, things got a bit worse and I was struggling internally with a lot of personal stuff that I had to deal with. For a person like me, I thought I could handle everything. That I would get better and put everyone else first before me and that’s when things decided to fall apart, especially when you’re in love.

I am currently a relationship rookie in my first relationship. I have been with my partner for just about three years and already we have experienced nothing  but challenges. One of the challenges we have had to face and recently, was my partner’s ex girlfriend. So as a relationship rookie, I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to go about exes and previous relationships as I have never been in one ever. But this particular experience  kind of brought me back to me and maybe just what I needed to salvage some healing from the mental mess that I had been enduring over the past couple of months. 

Even When It Hurts

No one likes to go through pain. No one likes to feel it yet it’s inevitable, there’s no growth without pain. We can experience pain in the form of absolutely everything. The pain of losing someone you loved whether it’s their departure from this Earth or the separation of relationships built upon years of memories and love. The pain of struggling to provide for your family, not knowing whether or not you are going to be able to put food on the table tomorrow and nurture your children to the best of your ability. The pain of not knowing where you are going and being left in a situation that brings you to your knees in a silent room surrounded by nothing but the sound of loneliness and emptiness.

Pain brings all sorts of diminishing emotions; torment, anxiety, burden, grief, desperation, frustration, anger and a lot, a loot of hurt.

Glass – Half Empty or Half Full?

So today in church we had a guest minister come in and speak to us today. It was refreshing and quite frankly just what we needed to hear today. So today’s message was about being careful about the words we say and how it might affect those around us. When we are hot tempered and blurt out an occasional “I hate you” or saying something we might regret. So the minister told two stories today (some you might have heard before). The first one goes like this…

Unfathoming the epitome of Grace

The wondering truth about grace and humility is that grace will always be a mystery that will linger on my soul forever. A mystery that I fathom with speculation as to how one being can be loved so unconditionally regardless of their flaws.  To be loved, embraced and made whole in a love that not only plays the joyful sounds of an instrument, but also mends the broken strings of the damaged. I love everything about the word grace. Grace comes from the latin word of “gratia” which also in the Bible is seen as God’s  favour. Meaning God has favoured you and will extend his love, compassion, forgiveness and kindness towards us as sinners. For example, you steal a car and the person you stole it from forgives you and let’s you off the hook when you should have been arrested and sentenced for a fine. This is the true epitome of Grace, which is God’s love.